


Astra inclinant, sed non obligant (Sirius Black x Reader)

by Fengniao



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dark, Death Eaters, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Main character is not entirely a good person, Marauders' Era, Reader-Insert, Redemption, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-09-28 20:02:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fengniao/pseuds/Fengniao
Summary: What if there was another Death Eater running over to the other side during the First wizarding war? How would The Order of the Phoenix and its members welcome such a new addition to the bunch? And what adventures and dangers await in the future?Reader/Sirius Black EndgameSeldomly, I will use (Y/N) in the story instead of the name of a reader, but I find it a little bit distracting, so it won´t occur very often. Other than that, I will also refrain from a visual description of the main character.





	1. Change of heart

A/N This will be a dark start, so beware.

 

* * *

 

 

A light evening breeze ruffled up my robes as I waited on top of the mountain somewhere in the forests in Switzerland. First stars were already up on the sky and the air smelled of a change. Summer was slowly turning into autumn. But that was not the only thing that was about to go through a transition this night. My life was about to turn into another direction too.

It has already been an hour or two since I arrived and still no sight of the man I so anxiously awaited. Well, he wasn´t being impolite either, he simply didn´t know I was expecting him here. Crackling noise of an apparition disturbed my admiration of the surrounding nature. _Finally._

 

 _“Albus Dumbledore…”_ I started.

 

Before I could even utter a single sentence, the wizard facing me picked up his wand and started casting spells. My leg almost slipped down the cliff as I engaged in the duel.

 

 _“Wait, I came to talk.”_ I managed to bark at my opponent in between the spells.

 

Suddenly, he ceased the casting as he let his hand fell down to his side.

 

 _“A Death Eater wants to talk to me?”_ The older wizard´s eyebrows creased as he waged my words.

_“I want to join you and abandon the Dark Lord and his ways. I realized all the grievous mistakes I made, and I am well aware of the sins I´ve committed in His name, but… I wish to repent.”_ My voice was weak but filled with an unspoken determination.

_“And you think I will believe you? Is this a new strategy your master wants to implement?”_ Dumbledore wasn´t convinced by this turn of events.

 

_“I understand that you won´t believe me, given the circumstances. Yet, I speak the truth. I am willing to pose as a double agent. We both know that could give you and your people a sizable advantage in the future. I won´t ask you anything until I prove myself in your eyes and in return you can ask me to do whatever you deem necessary.”_

It was clear that my former enemies just wouldn´t welcome me with open arms, but I was willing to do anything, literally anything to prove them wrong. After all, there was nothing else I could lose.

 

 _“What made you change your mind?”_ He asked, ignoring my offer.

 

 _“I can show you. I can give you the memory, so you would be able to decide for yourself if that is enough to turn one´s heart.”_ I placed my wand to my temple and a shimmering string of the memory separated from my head. Quickly, I proceeded to encase it in a small glass.

_“If all that you said is a truth, your position would put you in great danger.”_ Albus took the vial from my hand.

_“I am willing to take the risk. I know that you have even more doubts about me. Given my lineage.”_ A dark chuckle escaped my lips.

_“I would never treat someone unfairly only based on their ancestry, actions should speak louder.”_ He retorted, but I could see an indecipherable gleam in his eyes when mentioned my distant relative.

_“You know my parents even used his name as my middle name? That´s how proud they were of our bloodline. They didn´t even care that it is a boy´s name and I was their firstborn daughter. According to them “Gellert” just had a nice ring to it.”_

The great dark wizard Grindelwald, that was a level of mastery they wanted me to achieve one day. And they never forget to remind me of the expectations they had.

_“I still believe Gellert will one day see the errors of his life. There is still hope.”_ Dumbledore turned around and looked at the night sky.

 

 _“Then maybe, there is hope for me too. Well. I will leave now, I told you everything I wanted. Oh. One more thing. You came to negotiate with the Giants, right? The Death Eaters already managed to sway them to promise their allegiance to the Dark Lord. But I heard that there is an ongoing quarrel between this colony and the one in Norway. Just tell them the Dark Lord gave their Norwegian cousins a better deal. That should work magic if you know what I mean.”_ I tried to put a lighter tone to the conversation in the end.

 

 _“Thank you.”_ Dumbledore simply answered as I apparated away.

 

\---

 

Albus Dumbledore was back at the headquarters of The Order of the Phoenix. He couldn´t stop thinking about the events that happened earlier on. He indeed managed to persuade the Giants to change their minds about their allegiance, it was a small victory, but it counted nevertheless. The war was still in its earlier stages and every help they could get had a meaning. He was now playing with a glass vial in his hand. Without waiting any longer, he poured the memory into the Pensieve and dived in.

 

The surroundings were unknown to Albus, but he assumed it was one of the hide-outs Death Eaters used. There were only a few people in the room, gathered in a circle around someone´s beaten body. He recognized the features of the well-known followers of the Lord Voldemort in the dimly lit space and amongst them a young witch he met today.

_“We had a traitor in our midst, my dear friends.”_ A sly voice suddenly spoke, his owner still hidden in shadows. _“Fortunately, we managed to uncover his hideous acts of treachery. Young Damien betrayed his kin and fornicated with a dirty muggle.”_

 

His statement caused an uproar in the room. One person, which Dumbledore identified as Bellatrix Lestrange, spat on the poor man on the ground.

_“When faced with the accusations, he tried to save that lesser human.”_ The voice continued as the silhouette of the man, once known as Tom Riddle stepped into the light.

 

Traitor, abomination, disgusting, muggle-lover, dirt… This and more could be heard around the small space.

 

 _“Who could remind me of the punishment for such a crime?”_ Lord Voldemort circled his followers before finally stopping behind the back of the girl Dumbledore met earlier today. _“How about his sister? Your own blood betrayed you, sullied your family´s reputation, all that without your knowledge. Tell me, my child, what penalty is the most befitting?”_

 

Albus could see her hand gripping her wand tightly in her pocket, a gesture only he could see from the position where he stood. Clearly, she was waging her chances, but then her grip relaxed. She knew it would be a suicide. _“Death, my Lord.”_ She exhaled, trying to keep her voice levelled.

_“That seems like an easy way out, don´t you think?”_ Lord Voldemort placed one of his pale hands on her shoulder while he pointed his wand on the body on the ground. _“Crucio.”_

 

What previously seemed like a man´s lifeless body started screaming suddenly.

 

 _“No, my Lord!”_ The girl yelled as she tried to make her voice not to get drown in her brother´s screams.

 

 _“No?”_ The Dark Lord stopped.

 

 _“No, my Lord. Every second when that traitor still has air in his lungs, he further tarnishes my family´s reputation. I beg you to get rid of this filth, I do not wish for anyone here to suffer his presence any longer.”_ She said coldly, but Albus could see the slight shiver in her hands. She was trying, in a very twisted way, sweet-talk Lord Voldemort to stop the torture and painlessly kill her own brother.

 

Lord Voldemort paused for a second as if he was trying to decipher whether her statement was genuine or not. _“You are right, my child.”_ He finally spoke.

 

_“Avada Kedavra!”_

 

All the people apparated away, leaving only the one girl behind. For a brief moment, as she looked down on the dead body of her brother, the façade she kept the whole time crumbled and Albus could see her face twisted in emotions – anger, sadness, grief, self-loathing. And as she looked up, her eyes flared with a flame of the revenge and determination.

 

Although Albus didn´t know the whole story, he understood. She was truly ready to work against her former master. The reason was clear and it wasn´t a noble one, but they were in the war. Everyone had their motivations. Some of them just were darker than others. And Albus knew that although it was her that came with an offer of help, in fact, it was her who needed a helping hand.

 

* * *

A/N

Woohoo, this was a dark ride for a start.

I would like to keep this story revolving mostly around the First wizarding war since I usually see many fanfictions to be either a Marauder´s school era or Harry Potter era, so I thought we can explore something different here.

Also, I am not against doing some flashbacks and maybe – if everything goes right, we can eventually catch up with the events of HP – but that´s in a far future.

As for the ship – my aim is, of course, Reader/Sirius Black, but let´s just say I am a firm believer in a slow burn:D. But I think a certain mister will definitely appear in the next chapter, so stay tuned.

Anyways, as always, don´t forget to leave <3 or a comment if you like the first chapter.

 

XOXO


	2. School Reunion

As soon as I got home, I swung my tired body on the sofa. A light hum of passing traffic could be heard from behind the big floor-length windows which were the most dominant feature of my home. After my parents’ death, I moved out of the family mansion, leaving it to my brother, since, for some reason, he loved that damn fortress. Now, it was given to the Dark Lord to his disposal. I chose much cosier dwelling sitting on the bank of the river Thames, in the very heart of the London. For some reason, I felt safer here, surrounded by thousands of oblivious muggles.

_“Mistress is back!”_ A squeaky voice sounded behind my back.

 

_“Ah, Letty. Would you mind fetching me a dinner?”_ I turned to see a small figure standing in the door leading to the kitchen.

_“Of course, Mistress. Letty will prepare your favourite.”_ She quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

 

I leaned back as a small smile tugged at my lips. The petite female house-elf was in my family since I could remember. She basically helped to raise me and my brother and without a doubt, she was the warmest creature I´ve ever encountered. Although my parents never physically abused me, my brother or her, they were cold, affectionless and extremely demanding people with zero tolerance for failure. They never allowed any disobedience as they would smother every rebellious thought that would cross my mind before it could ever have blossomed into action. The terrible truth was that after their departure, I felt…somewhat free.

I stood up and moved to a small table with glasses and bottles on top of it. I took the bourbon and generously poured the glass almost to the brim. The sleep always came easier after a few glasses, so I didn´t resist the urge to dull my senses with the amber-coloured liquid.

 

_“Mistress?”_ Letty has returned with a full plate, eyeing the glass in my hand somewhat disapprovingly.

 

_“Thanks, Letty, you can put it on the table.”_ I moved back to her. _“I have a task for you.”_

 

_“Letty will do anything her Mistress commands.”_ She-elf listened attentively.

 

_“Tomorrow, I need you to deliver something to Albus Dumbledore. You have to be careful, no one can see you. Do you understand?”_ I didn’t want to drag her down to this mess, _my mess_ , but she was probably the safest messenger I could use.

 

_“But Mistress…”_ She looked fairly confused upon hearing my request. Of course, she knew what I was doing, who I was serving… and she never uttered a single word of criticism for which I was eternally grateful.

 

_“Letty... After what happened to Damien… I realized in full extent in what dark and twisted world I allowed myself to be dragged to. But no more. I am going to try and make it right.”_ I downed my glass.

 

Upon hearing my brother´s name, her big green eyes suddenly filled with tears. _“Poor Master Damien, Letty should have been there to protect young master. Letty failed him and you miserably.”_ She started hitting her own head.

_“Stop it! It wasn´t your fault, you would not be able to help him. It was my job to protect him, to oversee he doesn´t do something stupid and at the same time, it was his responsibility to make sure he wasn´t taking any unnecessary risks. We are both to blame. I forbid you to feel responsible for his fate. Do you understand?”_

_“Yes, Mistress.”_ Her weeping subsided.

 

_“I am tired, I think I will retire now.”_ I stood up, leaving the dinner on the table untouched.

 

As always, my dreams have been plagued by nightmares and the morning came too early and too late at the same time. After a small breakfast, I gave Letty a letter containing the list of Dark Lord´s potential targets who are in imminent danger and listing of all the wizards I could remember that serve the Dark Lord. I also included which of them are, according to me, under the influence of the Imperius curse and who is serving Him willingly.

Over the course of the next couple of days, we exchanged more correspondence as he asked me for more details. While doing this, I also continued my usual tasks given to me by the Dark Lord. I made sure I never falter or somehow give him the reason to suspect my disloyalty. He was still convinced of my absolute devotion to his cause.

Then a message was delivered to me, that Dumbledore wants me to meet the rest of the Order, so we all can get acquainted, probably in case that we face each other on the battlefield, so they would know that I am on their side… or maybe he needed more people to deliberate on my intentions. For once, I decided to wear simple muggle clothes, a black leather jacket, and dark jeans. It seemed more fitting than my usual black robes, which gave quite a sinister impression. I put my wand in the pocket of my jeans and head out. I was pretty sure that the place where the meeting was supposed to take place wasn´t the official headquarters of the Order, yet it was a decent size country house somewhere near Hever. Dumbledore was already waiting for me outside.

_“I am glad you could join us tonight.”_ He welcomed me.

_“I told you that I would do whatever you ask for me. I don´t mean to get back at my word now.”_ I joined him outside the door.

_“A word of warning… Some of the members are… less than thrilled to meet you.”_ Older wizard said.

_“Oh, really? Can´t imagine why…”_ I replied with a hint of sarcasm.

 

Without any further delay, he stepped into the house, gesturing me to follow him. Usually, I was quite stoic but now a sudden feeling of anxiety crept up my spine. I felt like a lamb heading for slaughter, or more precisely snake entering the lion´s den. Once inside, I was met by a numerous pair of eyes, all measuring me with suspicion. Some of them I knew personally from my years in Hogwarts, some of them I never met. Most of the people sat around a big kitchen table, but I could swear I saw a Mad-eye Moody standing in the corner, ready to whip his wand and disable me at any second.

 

_“I would like to introduce the newest addition to our ranks, (Y/N) (L/N). Some of you might remember her from your school years. She generously offered her help in defeating the Dark Lord, while taking a dangerous role of the spy.”_ Dumbledore took the word.

 

A loud scoff escaped the lips of none other than Sirius Black. He was lounging on the chair, next to another man, who I could identify as James Potter. _“And how can we know that she is not reporting back to her master? Dumbledore, you invited an enemy, a murderess to dine with us!”_ He interrupted Dumbledore´s speech.

 

Without realizing, I tugged on the sleeve of the hand that bore my Dark Mark. He wasn´t wrong after all, I have killed and tortured people in the name of the Dark Lord. All those despicable deeds should forever haunt my mind and dreams.

 

_“I want to apologize for the grievances I have caused all of you.”_ I managed to find my voice, looking Black straight in the eye. There was no reason to play coy.

 

_“Grievances?”_ For some reason, my apology triggered him even more. He sprung from the chair, raising his wand in the process.

 

Instinctively, my hand flew to my back pocket to reach for my own wand, but then I decided to let my hand fall back to my side. This could turn very ugly very quickly.

 

_“Grievances?”_ He continued. _“You killed our friends and family members tortured them and make them suffer fates far worse than death!”_

 

“Sirius…” Dumbledore´s voice was quiet, but it left no room for discussion. _“Yes, she, in her youthful foolishness, chose a dark path, but she doesn´t want to walk it anymore. The intel she can provide could potentially save a lot of lives. The purpose of this meeting is for you to meet face in face. It is important that her betrayal goes unnoticed for the time being. In a case that you will be forced to meet on the battlefield, I want all of you to remember not to kill each other. But at the same time, you have to make it believable.”_

 

Black sat back, shaking his head in disagreement while James Potter patted his shoulder to console him. To be honest, he and his friends changed a lot from what I remembered. They were always pulling jokes on people, smug smiles plastered across their faces in any given moment. Black was THE playboy of our year, so sure of himself and his looks. James Potter, the rising star of the Gryffindor´s Quidditch team and the most annoying show-off I´ve ever met in my life. Peter Pettigrew… I always thought that a spell would have to be invented one day to dislodge this small boy from his friends´ arses. He would always cling to their every word, feeding their egos ever so more. Last but not least, Remus Lupin. He seemed like the most tolerable person out of the bunch, but given his choice of friends… We probably wouldn´t get along very well.  Now they seemed somewhat worn out and tired. This war forced us all to grow up.

_“Girl, what made you change your mind?”_ Moody spoke from the back of the room.

 

Dumbledore probably hasn´t shared this very personal information with them. _“I…”_

 

I paused for a moment. I would rather not share this very painful memory with a room full of people that hated me. Suddenly a burning sensation spread across my left arm. I clenched my forearm and turned to Dumbledore.

 

_“He is calling me, I must go.”_ I knew better than to keep the Dark Lord waiting.

 

_“That is pretty convenient, isn´t it? You can report our location to him right away. We should make her stay a little longer.”_ A guy to my left whose name was either Fabian or Gideon Prewett argued.

 

Slightly panicking, I focused my pleading eyes back on Dumbledore.

 

_“Go.”_ He simply said.

 

_“Yes, run back to your master like a good puppy.”_ Black barked from the table.

 

His tone rubbed me the wrong way as I furiously turned to face him. _“Want to join me, Black? Or is your famous Gryffindor bravery just a hoax?”_

 

_“Well, maybe I will!”_ He abruptly stood up, surprising me immensely.

_“That is enough!”_ Dumbledore ended our bickering. _“You…”_ He pointed at Sirius. _“…sit. And you go.”_

 

Without adding any sarcastic remark, I transfigured my clothes to a black robe and apparated, but I knew this feud is far from over.

 

* * *

 

A/N

When I said this will be a slow-burn I really meant it:D. I am also thinking about writing a flashback chapter from Hogwarts’ years… Let me know what you think.

 

XOXO


	3. You can't teach an old dog new tricks

_“My Lord.”_ Immediately I cast my eyes to the floor.

_“I have a task for you. Some blood-traitors managed to escape this week. I want you and Bellatrix to find them and put an end to their miserable lives. Do you understand?”_

_“Yes, my lord. Who are we going to hunt down, if I may ask?”_ I pushed my luck.

 

_“You should not concern yourself with such minor details. Bellatrix knows you will head out tomorrow. Do not disappoint me!”_ His voice was dripping with venom.

 

_“Of course not, my lord.”_ I reassured him.

_“You are dismissed.”_ He simply waved his hand to gesture me to leave.

 

Quickly I returned home and instructed Letty to relay to Dumbledore what the Dark Lord ordered me to do. I was pretty sure we were after the people who I told Dumbledore are in imminent danger. There was nothing more I could do to help since I didn´t know the names, so I just went to bed early. I really needed the strength to cope with someone like Bellatrix. She was a psychopath and if we manage to catch someone, I wouldn´t be able to help them without blowing up my cover completely.

 

In the morning, I met Bellatrix at the usual place. She was already murmuring the threats to the poor souls we were set to find. Without any further conversation, she commanded me to follow her. Place after place, we searched abandoned houses, caves near the sea, lonely forest cabins… but with no luck whatsoever. I saw a small glimpse of hope that they all managed to hide somewhere out of our reach, but soon after, my hope was squashed when we arrived at the cottage in a middle of nowhere in Dartmoor. A young couple was standing outside the house, they were clearly preparing to leave the place. _Too late…_

Bellatrix started shouting spells immediately, forcing the duo to defend themselves in haste. I joined the fight and I tried to cast spells slower than usual, giving them time to respond. They were good, just not good enough. As they began to lose their concentration four loud cracking sounds echoed in my ear. The Marauders in their complete glory joined the fight. I could see Potter shouting something at the couple as they quickly nodded, backed behind them and then apparated away. Next to me, Bellatrix screamed with rage.

 

_“Cousin!!!”_ She rained all deadly spells she could think of on Black, while I was left to battle the three remaining men.

 

Although our fight was meant to be a charade, they definitely did not hold back. The intensity of the battle pumped adrenaline through my veins as I deflected their attacks. I could see that Bellatrix was running low on stamina. _How typical_. She would always unleash all of her rage and energy at once, not caring about what is going to happen in five minutes. Without a warning, both Pettigrew and Lupin diverted their attention to her and hit her with Stupefy. She was just second late to deflect the spells, they hit her, knocking her out completely. Immediately, I put down my wand and moved to check if she really was unconscious, then I turned to face the men.

 

_“She is out.”_ I confirmed. _“You got here in a right moment.”_

 

_“Fine, let´s take her so we can leave.”_ Potter said.

 

_“You can´t take her, I have to bring her back to Dark Lord.”_ I moved closer to them, so we won´t have to shout.

 

_“And why would we allow you to do that? Pray tell us, Death Eater.”_ Black took another step forward, so he could force me to look up to meet his eyes.

 

_“Are you sure you are not Hufflepuff? You seem pretty slow, Black. If you take her, how am I going to explain that I am back alone? You would have to take me too and that would pretty much sabotage the whole infiltration mission.”_ I hold his gaze.

 

_“And how are you going to explain that you managed to retreat while fighting the four of us? Wouldn´t it be a little bit weird that a girl like you could perform such a feat?”_ He said mockingly.

 

_“Actually… no. No one would question that, I would be capable to do just that.”_ Alright, maybe they would give me a little bit of trouble, but I was confident that in a real fight, I could eventually overpower them for a second or two, just enough time to secure our escape. After all, duels were my specialty.

 

_“Pride comes before the fall.”_ He snickered.

 

_“Is it a challenge, Black? They say you can´t teach the old dog new tricks, but you are in a desperate need of some humility lesson.”_ My grip on the wand only tightened.

 

To my surprise, the four of them chuckled like I just managed to unintentionally make some inside joke.

 

_“She is right Sirius, it is a sensible thing to do. You will have another chance to settle this family feud.”_ Lupin joined the conversation.

 

_“Fine…”_ Finally, Black resigned with his hands thrown into the air.

 

_“Alright, that´s settled. One last thing. Hit me with something powerful.”_ I dropped my hands to my side, offering them an easy target.

 

_“What?!”_ Potter said.

 

_“I can´t go back unscathed. I have to have an actual excuse why we retreated.”_ I explained simply. _“Come one…”_ But Potter suddenly looked quite uncertain, so I turned my attention to the next one. _“Alright, Black? That should be easy for you.”_

 

But even Black hesitated.

 

_“Oh, for fuck´s sake…”_ My voice was just a murmur as I picked my own wand to give myself a long gash trailing down my left arm.

 

I gritted my teeth as the blood soaked the sleeve and a small hiss of pain escaped my lips. Black, Lupin, and Potter looked positively shocked and Pettigrew was on a verge of fainting upon seeing the blood gushing out of the wound.

 

_“What in the Merlin´s beard…”_ Black started.

 

_“He will Crucio the shit out of me anyway for failing the mission. If I have a valid reason for withdrawing from the fight, he might actually stop before my brain turns to mush.”_ I knew better than to be concerned with such a minor injury. His wrath was actually the thing that sends shivers down my spine.

 

For a brief moment, I could see a flash of concern in their eyes.

 

_“Are you sure you are going to be fine?”_ Lupin broke the silence.

 

_“Save your concerns for someone who cares.”_ I knew I was being an ass, but I was trying to persuade, mostly myself, that it is going to be fine. Their hurt feelings were just collateral damage.

 

Without waiting for a response, I moved to get Bellatrix´s body and apparated back to our hideout. It did not take long for the Dark Lord to join us in a small room.

_“What happened?”_ His voice was calm, but at the same time, I realized it´s only the beginning of the storm which was heading my way.

 

_“My Lord, I am so very sorry. We were attacked by the Order. Bellatrix was incapacitated, and I was overwhelmed by the enemy´s force. I chose to retreat. I offer my deepest apologies for failing.”_   My voice was just above a whisper.

_“Retreat? Only cowards back out of a fight! Your decision tarnishes our reputation!”_ He raised his voice.

 

_“Please forgive my momentary lapse of judgment.”_ I continued.

_“Your apologies mean nothing to me! I gave you a simple task and you disappointed me greatly! Maybe you are lacking a motivation to perform better! Crucio!”_

 

The pain was unbearable. The time did not matter anymore, it could be minutes or hours, I did not care. I only want it to stop. I did not get a chance to heal my arm, but right now, it was just a mere ant-sting compared to the excruciating sensations I felt. White. The only colour I could see was white. One would think that it would be red. Red as the blood or flames, but no. It was blinding white. When it stopped, I could not even move. My muscles were so weak that even lifting my own wand seemed like an unachievable task. So, I laid there on the cold ground, my breath laboured.

 

_“I hope you learned your lesson.”_ A voice coming from above spat at me and moved away.

 

Slowly, I felt the strength coming back and eventually I was able to at least heal the wound a little bit and stand up to apparate home. Somehow, I missed my usual place and ended up on the staircase of the house. With a sigh, I dragged my sore body up to the highest floor. Upon reaching the door I felt my knees giving out. Before I could hit the ground a pair of hands materialized from a thin air and caught me. A cloak fell down shortly after, revealing my saviour.

 

_“Black?” What in a Merlin´s beard…”_

_“Easy there. Dumbledore sent me to check up on you.”_ He helped me to lean against the door.

_“I am fine… Is that an invisibility cloak?”_ I wanted to divert his attention from my shaking limbs.

 

_“You don´t look fine. Let me.”_ Sirius swung one of my arms over his shoulder to support me, completely ignoring my question. _“Lead the way.”_

 

Silently, I opened the door.

 

_“You can just drop me on the sofa. I am tired, that´s all.”_ I motioned toward the living room.

 

With a grunt, he dragged me to the couch and sat me down.

 

_“Mistress?”_ A squeaky voice asked. _“Mistress, what happened, are you alright?”_ Letty entered the living room, visibly shaken by the scene that was awaiting her.

 

_“Yes, yes… Bring me a glass of whisky. Black? Do you want something?”_ Secretly, I hoped that he would refuse and leave. I did not want anyone to witness my miserable state.

 

_“Same thing.”_ He turned to the house elf.

 

After Letty left, he slowly moved around the room, inspecting the shelves.

 

_“Are you some kind of a prodigy or what?”_ He pointed at my collection of the trophies I got from the duelling competitions over the years.

 

_“That´s what my parents liked to think. But I just simply enjoy dueling.”_ I answered.

 

_“If that´s the case you must find the war pretty enjoyable.”_ Black flashed a quick glance in my direction.

 

_“The stakes are not to my liking.”_ I retorted.

 

He hummed instead of answering as he moved to look closer at the photos on the wall. I really did not appreciate the fact that he was snooping around. He suddenly stopped.

 

_“You know my brother?”_ He was referring to a photo of Damien and Regulus, both grinning in their quidditch getup.

 

I remembered that day like it was yesterday. I snapped that picture after one of the Slytherin´s victorious match. I reached to the pack of cigarettes lying on the table. With shaking fingers, I lighted up one as I looked up. Smoking was just another nasty habit I recently acquired in order to cope with the unbearable stress.

 

_“Yes. Regulus was a friend of my brother. He often visited our place during the summer.”_ I explained.

 

_“Damien… was it?”_ Black looked back at the photo.

 

_“Yes.”_ I simply confirmed.

_“How is he? He was dumb enough to follow my foolish brother as I heard.”_

_“He was killed a few weeks ago.”_ A dull voice escaped my lips, so different from my usual tone.

 

My statement forced Black to turn around and look at me. _“I am sorry.”_ He said sincerely. _“Is that why you decided to change sides?”_

 

_“Yes. I only joined the Dark Lord after Damien and Regulus. I naively thought that somehow, I could protect them. Now Damien is dead, and I think Regulus won´t speak to me again. He probably misunderstood the circumstances of my brother´s death. He must think that I wanted Damien…”_

 

I was cut off when Letty came back with the drinks. I did not tell her the whole story of my brother´s passing. It would only break her heart more.

_“Thanks, Letty, that would be all.”_ I dismissed her.

 

_“It was their choice to become Death Eaters. You can´t make it your responsibility.”_ Black took the whisky while sitting down next to me.

_“On the contrary Black. It is our job as their older siblings to protect them. But I failed my brother and you have abandoned yours.”_ I downed half of the glass in one swing.

 

Sirius stood up quickly as if he was stung by my words. Maybe I hit the sore spot. _“Regulus got himself into that shit alone, it has nothing to do with me.”_

 

_“On the contrary. I think if you have cared just a little bit more about him, you could have swayed his mind. But you spend your time bullying other people with your new friends. Regulus was easy prey for the dark side.”_ I knew it was harsh, but after all, he should hear the truth. Even if it´s hard to swallow.

 

_“Bullying people? Oh, come on, we did quite a lot of pranks, but that´s all.”_ Black went straight into the defensive.

 

_“No. Prewett twins were masters of practical jokes, but you and your gang crossed the line regularly. Where do you think people like Severus get all that hate and anger from? His school years definitely did contribute to his current mindset.”_

_“That is rich! Now you want me to take the blame for Snivellus too?”_ His tone became much more agitated.

 

_“World is not made up of heroes and villains, Black. Sometimes life is just too complicated. Own up to your mistakes, we are not children anymore.”_ I finished the cigarette and put the stub into the ashtray.

 

_“Yes, we are not. I watched my friends die because of people like you. Foolish sheep thirsty for power. It´s not my fault that your brother´s stupidity got him killed, but at least he can´t hurt anyone else now!”_ As soon as the last syllable left his lips he clearly realized the mistake he made, he went too far.

 

_“Get the fuck out Black or I promise your prankster days are numbered.”_ My tone was rather calm and collected but the underlying threat was clear as a day.

 

Sirius just stood there for a second, probably contemplating if he should add something, but he decided otherwise as he slammed the empty glass on the table and went straight out of the door.

 

* * *

 

A/N

Things will get worse before it could get any better:D. But let´s be honest, Marauders were probably jerks during their Hogwarts years and someone had to say it out loud.

XOXO


	4. Grinch

Days turned into weeks as autumn changed into winter. Every week I reported to Dumbledore anything that holds merit for the Order, but otherwise, I tried to stay away. Only twice Dumbledore persuaded me to attend their secret meeting, but even then, I just sat in the corner and silently listened to their heated discussion. It was clear that my presence wasn´t welcomed as everyone waged what to say out loud and what to keep until I am gone. Thankfully, at least I managed to fulfil most of the tasks given to me by the Dark Lord. Since Dumbledore knew beforehand about the objective of my missions, he was able to prepare fitting counter-measures, so the damage would be acceptable. I also asked him or more like ordered him not to send anyone to my home ever again. Apparently, he understood how upset I was about the situation and he promised it won´t happen again. Apart from my double-agent life, I spent my time at home, lounging on the sofa, listening to music and smoking. Sometimes, I stopped by a small convenience store to buy a pack or two and that could be considered as the highlight of any actual human contact I enjoyed. The store was located on the corner of my street, so it took only a few minutes to get there on foot. Usually, I would light up one on my way home, going by the river´s side. That was where I saw it for the first time. I just got home from a mission, exhausted I swung by the shop and was on my way back when a giant dog caught my attention. At first, I really thought that it is a grim, but then the rational part of my brain kicked in. I chuckled as I approached the beast.

_“Hi boy, what are you doing here?”_

 

Slowly, I extended my hand to pat his head. Instinctively, he jerked backwards and bare his fangs, eyeing me suspiciously.

_“Easy there, I get it, not up for cuddles then.”_ I sat down on the bench nearby as the dog cautiously came closer.

 

 _“I have nothing to give you mate unless you fancy a smoke?”_ Great. I thought. Now I am talking to animals. Normally, loneliness would not get to me, but from time to time even I felt its unpleasant sting.

 

Suddenly, I was interrupted by a car pulling next to me.

 

 _“Miss?”_ An unfamiliar voice asked.

 

I turned to get a better view only to see animal control parked on the side of the pavement.

 

 _“Yes?”_ I looked at the middle-aged muggle that spoke to me.

 

 _“We got a report of a big stray dog from one of the residents. Is that animal yours?”_ He asked.

 

I looked back at the poor hound. They came to take him away and put him in the cage, lock him away…

 

 _“Yeah. Sorry. I wasn´t careful enough, he ran on the streets while I wasn´t paying attention.”_ I repented.

 

 _“Alright miss. Just don´t let him wander around without a leash.”_ The muggle continued.

 

 _“Understood.”_ I turned away from the man, only hearing his footsteps receding _. “…You owe me, pal.”_

 

For a moment, I thought about bringing the pup up with me, but then again, I never knew for how long I am leaving the house or if I am even coming back and this one didn´t seem like he would enjoy being imprisoned in my house.

After that, I saw the dog hanging around that area from time to time. Someone was probably feeding him, so he was coming back.

I didn´t even notice the Christmas was coming, not that I had any intention to celebrate it anyway. My parents would always throw a fabulous gathering and we would write a letter to Gellert, wishing him “Happy holidays”. _In prison. Sure_. For some reason, after a much contemplating, I decided to write him a short note. After all, our family tree was now more or less a dying twig, so I probably owed him at least such a courtesy. He never replied to any letters my parents had sent, so I was greatly surprised to receive a reply from Nurmengard on 24th. It was clearly opened before it got to me since the seal was cracked, probably by the guards, quite understandable. Before I got to the content of the letter, Letty interrupted me.

_“Mistress, I have a message from Professor Dumbledore.”_ She squeaked.

 

 _“What does he want?”_ I folded the paper in half and hid it in the pocket of my trousers.

 

 _“Professor wants Mistress to join him and the Order for a Christmas.”_ For some reason, she seemed overjoyed by such a prospect.

 

 _“What? No. Please, let him know, that I already arranged other plans.”_ I dismissed that idea immediately.

 

 _“Professor told Letty her Mistress will tell her to do so. He…”_ She stopped for a moment. That was a clear sign, that she wasn´t comfortable with the rest of what Dumbledore has instructed her to tell me. _“He says Mistress promised she would do whatever he asks of her.”_

 

Well, that was true, but it definitely wasn´t meant that way.

 

 _“And Letty also thinks Mistress should leave the house for once.”_ She immediately looked very meek for suggesting something so bold.

 

 _“Letty… it´s not that simple.”_ I tried to argue.

 

 _“Please Mistress… it´s Letty´s Christmas wish.”_ She looked at me with her big eyes.

 

I always had a soft spot for the kind-hearted she-elf. Maybe I can at least make her happy.

 

 _“Fine…”_ I resigned. _“But you will accompany me.”_

 

Her face lit up. _“Of course, Mistress. Letty will take care of everything.”_

 

And just like that I suddenly stood in front of an unknown villa, with my house-elf and Christmas presents for people whose biggest wish was probably my absence. I swallowed hard, as I knocked on the door. After a few seconds, I was welcomed by none other than Dumbledore himself.

 

 _“I see Letty managed to persuade you.”_ He said with a smile, inviting me in.

 

 _“You didn´t exactly give me an option.”_ I grunted as I walked past him.

 

He then let me inside the house, to a spacious living room which looked like an explosion of Christmas decorations. Huge Christmas tree was standing in the middle of the floor, carols filled the warm air and mixed with a chatter. It was even worse than I expected. Everyone was here. Even Molly Weasley and her children. The twins weren´t even one year old. Lily and James Potter sat down on a sofa, giggling. Lupin, Pettigrew and Prewett twins were playing a game, Moody sat in a big armchair sipping from a flask, humming the carol melody. Black was in the corner, chatting up a girl I could identify as Marlene McKinnon. Longbottom couple was standing next to a fireplace hand in hand, talking to Arthur Weasley. Some other members were scattered across the room, enjoying the atmosphere.

 

 _I need a drink… a big one._ That was my exact thought. Only thought to be precise.

 

 _“Albus, you didn´t tell me we are expecting more guests! I should have prepared more food!”_ Molly Weasley turned her attention from one of her boys to us.

 

_Great. Fucking great._

 

She quickly walked up to us.

_“I will set the table for extra.”_ I only remembered her from school since she wasn´t an official member of the Order, but she seemed quite nice to be honest.

 

 _“It´s alright. My house-elf can help.”_ I offered Letty´s help. I knew she wouldn´t mind, more likely she would jump on the opportunity to do something. She was probably bored to death back home.

_“Interesting. I do not remember there was “Bring your own slave” on the invitation.”_ Black crossed the room with his typical cocky stride.

 

 _“Sirius!”_ Molly said reprovingly.

 

 _“Interesting. I would swear there was written “Black will keep his mouth shut.” on mine.”_ I fired back.

 

Black´s eyes twinkled with a challenge but before he could counter-attack a squeaky voice spoke.

 

 _“Letty is not a slave! Letty serves her Mistress…”_ My petite house-elf glared back at Black. She would always become agitated upon hearing such a remark. After my parent’s death, I repeatedly offered her freedom, but she rejected that notion every time.

 

 _“It´s alright Letty, Black was just joking. It was just a joke.”_ I interrupted her, the situation was getting out of the hand already. _“I am sure everyone would appreciate your gingerbread cookies. Would you mind baking some?”_

 

 _“Letty would love to do that, Mistress!”_ She smiled as she turned to find the kitchen, followed closely by Molly Weasley.

_“Would I be able to tempt you for a glass?”_ Dumbledore offered.

 

 _“Gladly.”_ I smiled back at the older wizard.

 

Dumbledore left to fetch us a drink and I was left alone with Black.

 

 _“What are you doing here?”_ Black´s tone was stern.

 

_“Isn´t it clear? I came to steal the Christmas.”_

 

* * *

 

A/N

Hello, Darlings,

 

I decided to split this chapter into two. So much is going to happen. Are you ready? Who will find a nice present under the Christmas tree and who is going to be left with a sock full of coal :D?

 

XOXO


	5. A Christmas miracle

_“Is he giving you trouble?”_ Before Black could think of a comeback, he was interrupted by Lily Evans. Or Potter. I wasn´t sure.

 

_“Me? Trouble? Never!”_ Black faked being offended by her statement.

 

I ignored his remark and turned to the red-haired girl. _“What an amazing world it would be where Black could be considered as trouble in my life.”_

 

_“James told me about your encounter. What you did was very brave.”_ Her face suddenly became quite solemn.

 

I was taken aback by her compliment, unsure how to respond I looked down only to spot a ring on her finger. _“So… you and Potter, huh?”_ I pointed down to the piece of jewellery to change the subject.

 

Her face lit up with a smile again. _“Yes. Well… We decided not to wait any longer. Given the circumstances.”_

_“Congratulations are in order then.”_ I smiled back.

 

_“How about you?”_ She asked.

 

It took me a second to realize what she was asking about. _“Oh no. I am not good at this whole relationship thing.”_

 

_“Well, at least you have that in common with Sirius.”_ Lily chuckled.

 

_“I am sorry, but there is a difference between having too many offers and NONE.”_ Sirius did not miss the opportunity to take a jab at me.

 

_“Careful Black, one might think you are just too easy. Are you good enough in potions though? You probably have to frequently brew something to help you with the itch.”_ I fired back without missing a heartbeat.

 

Lily´s giggle grew louder. _“You are both impossible.”_

_“No. But to clarify my answer… My brother was killed because he fell in love with a muggle-born girl. The Dark Lord massacred her whole family too, so I just think it would be very irresponsible of me to drag someone to the mess I am stuck in.”_ For some reason, I felt I owned Lily an honest answer. After all, she was nice and non-judgmental towards me.

_“I am sorry, I didn´t know…”_ She started apologizing immediately.

_“It´s alright. Do you have some pictures of the wedding?”_ I turned the conversation back to the previous topic, but I was surprised that Black did not lash out with some snarky comment. Quickly, I glanced in his direction only to see him standing there with an unreadable expression plastered on his face.

 

_“I will bring them next time we meet.”_ She promised, clearly relieved that we avoided being stuck in that uncomfortable situation.

 

At that moment, Dumbledore came back with the drinks.

 

_“Thank you… Can I speak with you for a moment?”_ I turned to the older wizard.

 

_“Of course.”_ He beckoned me to follow him.

 

_“Why did you invite me here?”_ I started as soon as we were a little bit further away from the centre of the room.

 

Dumbledore looked at me for a moment, thinking about his answer. _“You would spend the Christmas Eve alone otherwise.”_

 

_“So, what is this? Some kind of a social charity? People in this room… they are all friends and family and I am an outsider here. An unwelcomed outsider to be more precise. First, you sent Black to my home and now this.”_ I did not want to sound ungrateful, but somehow being in the room with these people made me feel even more alone that I would have been in my own house.

 

_“I understand that you are very independent and dare I say… fierce in your nature, but at the same time, you should give these people a chance. We are all facing a great evil and darkness that no one can overcome alone.”_ He spoke in a very mild, fatherly-liked manner.

 

_“Why do I have the impression that by darkness you don’t only mean the Dark Lord?”_

_“I knew you are clever.”_ He winked. _“But now, you have to excuse me, the dinner will be served shortly.”_ With that, he moved away.

 

I was still stirred about what he has said to me. Why he was keeping an eye on me? Was it because I was a valuable asset for the Order? Or did he consider me to be a lost sheep he has to bring back to the herd? Or maybe were his actions motivated by the past? After all, he was Grindelwald´s best friend, so could it be that he saw something in me that reminded him of Gellert? Was he trying to save me when he couldn´t save Gellert? All these questions haunted me to the dinner table.

Fortunately, I was seated in between Lily on one side and Molly on the other. They were very polite, so at least I did not feel that weird during the dinner. Across from me sat the Prewett twins who, in one point during the feast, cast a spell on my pudding, so it slid all over the plate when I tried to slice it. As revenge, I discretely charmed their laces to tie to each other under the table, so when they tried to leave, they tripped and fell on each other. This feat was rewarded by their approval. Maybe this dinner wasn´t such a bad idea after all. As time progressed, Molly took the kids upstairs to tug them in their beds and I moved to the big armchair near the fireplace. While finally having a moment to myself I took out the letter I received earlier today. Carefully, I unfolded the parchment.

 

_Nurmengard_

_December 23, 1978_

_Dear (Y/N),_

_I have heard about the great misfortunes that have befallen your family. I was also informed about the ongoing war. If you chose to participate in that conflict, heed my advice and trust no one. No matter on which side you stand on. Friends will become foes eventually and the only person you can trust is yourself. Avoid the path I have taken all those years ago for it only leads towards damnation._

_Best regards_

_Gellert Grindelwald_

 

Immediately after reading the short text, I crumpled the parchment and toss it into the flames.

 

_“What was that? Death Eater´s Christmas card?”_ Voice sounded behind my back.

 

I jumped on my seat, startled. _“Black? Are you really that hellbent on making my day as miserable as possible?”_ I turned towards the source of my fright.

 

_“No… Actually…”_ He suddenly looked a little bit lost as he pushed his hand into his hair. _“I wanted to apologize. I did not know the story of your brother. I thought he messed up some task that was given to him and…”_ He trailed off.

_“Did Lily make you say that?”_ I raised one of my brows sceptically. Black feeling remorse wasn´t a Christmas miracle I was keen to believe.

 

_“She might have pointed out my… insensitivity.”_ He half-grinned at the last word.

_“Well, this is probably as good as it gets. So, yeah… forget about it.”_ I accepted, and he turned to leave. _“Wait.”_ I stopped him.

 

He slowly turned back, waiting for me to speak.

_“If we are being civil with each other for a whole five minutes, I suppose I owe you a “thank you” for helping me the other day to my apartment.”_

_“It was nothing. You looked terrible.”_ He waved his hand to dismiss my gratitude.

_“You are such a gentleman, Black.”_ A dark chuckle escaped my lips.

 

He passed my chair to sit down on the other. _“What happened?”_ He asked.

 

I eyed him suspiciously. _“What happened?”_ I then averted my gaze to the flames. _“I told you he will Crucio the shit out of me.”_

_“I wasn´t sure if it was just a figure of speech or… well… truth.”_ He admitted.

_“Don´t worry about that. The real trouble will come when He finds out that I have betrayed him. I probably won´t be able to walk that off so easily. But hey, you can weep… or dance on my grave then.”_ The dark humour was something that I particularly enjoyed lately.

 

Then I saw Black´s shocked face. _“Oh, come on, I might decide to come back as a ghost just to haunt you forever. I will be even worse than Peeves.”_

 

_“I am pretty sure that is my mother´s plan.”_ Black´s lips stretched into a grin.

 

_“Eternity with aunt Walburga? Sounds delightful.”_ I said sarcastically. I knew Black´s parents via Regulus, not a company one would like to keep forever.

 

_“Hell suddenly seems like a cosy vacation place, right?”_ Black added.

 

We both tried to keep the laughter down, but he was right, hell was indeed a better option. Maybe there indeed was a thing like a Christmas miracle.

 

* * *

 

A/N

Hello, darlings,

Sorry for the wait, but here it is! Some bickering, some enigmatic moments and some surprising encounters! I really do think that Lily would be quite open-minded and would not judge a person quickly. And I also believe she was the one to put the Marauders in place if needed.

 

XOXO

 

 

 

 


	6. The reasons why we drink

 

This light conversation with Black by the fire was surprisingly quite relaxing. It would be a stretch to say that we have become friends, but at least our jokes weren´t as poisonous as before. After midnight, we were amongst the last people in the room.

 

 _“Well, I should get going.”_ I slowly stood up from the armchair.

_“You want to go home now?”_ Black seemed surprised. _“The best part with gifts is in the morning, you know?”_

 

 _“Yes… did you get me anything, Black?”_ I raised one of my eyebrows.

 

 _“Well… no. I did not even know you were coming.”_ He admitted.

_“So, I will spare everyone the awkward moment when I just silently sit and watch you all unwrap all of the gifts you got. Letty is already sleeping, so please tell her in the morning that I went home.”_ I simply flicked my wand to put the coat on my shoulders.

 

Black stood up too to walk me to the door. _“I will tell her, although I don´t think that your house-elf likes me very much.”_

 

A small chuckle escaped my lips _. “She is quite protective of me. She cared for me and my brother since we were children. Yes… that reminds me…”_ We have reached the door and I stopped with a hand on the doorknob. The hall was dark, so I could only make out the outline of Black´s face. _“Look, if anything happens to me. She is instructed to go to Hogwarts. But it would make me calmer if I knew that someone has to check up on her. Can you do that?”_ I knew that I was asking a lot of a man I still kind of hate. _“Since you did not get me any Christmas gift?”_ I tried to put on a lighter tone.

_“Come on Slytherin, don´t be such a pessimist. You are all like cockroaches, you will survive anything.”_ Black tried to respond in a similar manner.

 

I coughed slightly to end this uncomfortable moment. _“Alright, Merry Christmas, Gryffindor. I would wish you a happy New Year, but even I can´t lie that well.”_ I stopped in the doorframe. _“One last thing. I saw something like a nonstop pub on the corner. By any chance do you know if they are open even today?”_

_“What? That boozer? Probably yes, where else would all the drunkards celebrate Christmas. Why do you want to know?”_ He placed one of the hands on the door.

 

I shrugged my shoulders. _“I drink too much. There is no bottle home, so I thought about stopping there. Thanks anyway and goodnight.”_ I waved at him and set out to the darkness without looking back.

 

Luckily for me, the pub was open, but as soon as I crossed the doorstep I understood why. It was indeed a complete shithole. Smelly, dirty, with wasted muggles lounging all around the place. Involuntary, my nose scrunched a little bit as I moved towards the bar. It was unbelievably hot in that place, so I took off the coat and rolled up my sleeves. Then, I signalled to the bartender.

_“What do you want, girly.”_ He asked, grinning.

 

The smile itself was creepy enough, without even him addressing me as “girly”, my hand twitched to grab the wand and show him who is the girly here, but I forced myself to remain calm.

 

 _“Whisky. A bottle. Thank you.”_ I began to look for the muggle money in my pockets.

 

As I was waiting for the bartender to come back one of the drunkards came up to me, encouraged by some rather untasteful prompts by his heinous friends.

 

 _“So, lassie, what are you doing here this late? Looking for a company?”_ He said with a lewd innuendo.

_“No, just picking a bottle.”_ I curtly replied.

 

Unfortunately, that wasn´t enough to deter this parody of a man. I felt as his gaze was travelling up and down my body.

 

 _“Are you sure, flower? We can definitely make your Christmas wishes come true.”_ He chuckled on his own disgusting hint.

 

 _“Oh really?”_ I turned to him. _“Because my only Christmas wish right now is for you to fuck off.”_

_“Such a feisty nature… And look, a bad girl even has a tattoo.”_ Without a warning, he gripped my wrist to examine the Dark Mark.

 

I tried to rip my hand out of his hold but based solely on the strength he was in an advantageous position. My mind went to the wand I had in the coat, but before I could react a hand landed on the man´s shoulder.

 

 _“She said she is not interested.”_ All that familiar voice said.

 

My eyes slowly travelled on the length of the arm towards the body it was attached to. _“What are you doing here?”_ I almost whispered.

_“That is between me and the lassie, mate. Or are you her boyfriend?”_ The drunkard growled at Black.

 

I beat Black to the answer. _“Yeah, that´s my boyfriend. He can teach you some manners outside.”_ Best case scenario, that sleazy boozer leaves, worst case scenario Black is going to get his ass kicked. Win-win for me.

 

 _“Alright, alright champ. We are all friends here, right?”_ He finally released my hand and backed out.

_“Your boyfriend? I always knew you had hots for me Slytherin. All that hate is just your denial.”_ Black ran his hand through hair.

 

I grimaced on his comment. _“Keep dreaming, Black. He who smelt it dealt it. Or what else are you doing here, chasing me into the dark?”_ I quickly came up with a comeback.

 

 _“Don't get your knickers in a twist. I kind of owe you one and I knew that this...”_ Black paused for a second. _“…establishment is kind of shady.”_

 

 _“Well… it´s not a competition, but I took Crucio for you. So, don´t even try to count us even.”_ I smirked as the bartender finally came back with the bottle.

 

 _“At least share a drink with your boyfriend.”_ Black taunted me more.

_“I will share this bottle with your head if you don´t stop.”_ I growled but beckoned him to one of the tables.

 

 _“So, why the late-night alcohol cravings?”_ He asked as soon as we sat down.

 

I poured us both a generous glass _. “Why do you care?”_ I downed mine in one big gulp.

 

Black just raised one of his eyebrows and followed my lead. _“Just out of curiosity.”_

 

Without a word, I poured another and drank mine immediately. _“It´s easier to fall asleep.”_

 

Black played with his glass in hand, watching me as he was expecting me to elaborate on the subject. Then, his eyes fell on my arm. As I followed his gaze I realized that my sleeves are still rolled up. Quickly, I pulled the one on my left arm down.

 

 _“We all have trouble coping with what have we seen.”_ He drank his glass to keep up with me.

 

I took up the bottle again. _“Well, that is the difference between us Black. I don´t drink only because of things I have seen. No. I mostly drink because of the things I have done.”_ I did not even bother to pour to whisky and took a swing straight from the bottle. _“Excuse me, I am going out for the smoke.”_

 

Angrily, I barged outside into the cold air while rummaging through my pockets to find to pack. Black was soon by my side, but before he could say a word a clasped one of my hands over his mouth. Something wasn´t right. Then, I noticed him. A man standing across the street. A Death Eater. A familiar face. A man I personally hated. He was clearly taken aback by the scene in front of him, but he quickly pulled himself together.

_“Traitor!”_ He screamed as he reached for his wands, sending curses our way.

 

I pushed Black with all my strength to the side as we both narrowly avoided the incoming spells. Soon, we were both fighting the dark wizard. Black was trying to stun the opponent as he was avoiding using the three unforgivable curses. I knew that I have to act, the moment the Death Eater has the chance to apparate away, he will use it to report me back to the Dark Lord. I had to prevent that. So, I timed my strike and then chanted the curse.

_“Avada Kedavra.”_

 

The curse hit the man straight in the chest as he was blocking Black´s spell. I knew we had no time to waste. I jumped towards Black and touched his shoulder to apparate us both away. My heart was pounding in an insane speed as we dropped in front of my apartment.

_“You… you have killed him.”_ Black stated as it was something he had to say out loud to believe.

 

I was quickly getting over the shock. _“Yes, he was preparing to apparate away. Don´t worry about him. He was a sadistic monster. One of the people who tortured and killed the family of my brother´s girlfriend. If I didn´t stop him, he would report back to the Dark Lord.”_

 

 _“Why did you take us here?”_ He continued.

 

 _“That place is swarming with Death Eaters by now. The Dark Lord knows when some of us die. It wasn´t safe there anymore.”_ Then a cold sweat broke all over my body. _“Black, you have to go. You have to leave immediately.”_

 

 _“Wha-…”_ He started, but I didn´t let him finish.

 

 _“The men in the pub. If Death Eaters go there… they will give them a description of a girl with a tattoo…my description…”_ I had to lean against the wall as the full realization hit me like a curse. In that same moment, I felt a familiar burning sensation on left forearm. _“You have to go. He is already calling me.”_

 

I raised my eyes to meet Black´s. The disbelieve and disgusts they mirrored just a moments ago was replaced by something different. _“You can´t go.”_

 

 _“I have to. There is a chance he is calling me to help them. If that is the reason, I still have an opportunity to get to the pub first and erase their memories. If not… I am dead anyway.”_ I pushed myself off the wall. _“Now you know why I drink.”_ I finished bitterly.

 

* * *

 

A/N

Hello, darlings,

a little cliff-hanger. I really hope the next chapter will be less dark and much funnier. I promise I will try but given the premises :D … can´t be sure. I would like to write a nice redemption arch out of this, let me know what you think😊.

XOXO


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